Sirens

EMTs Johnny Farrell and Hank St. Clare may not have a handle on the little things, but they're the guys you want to see in the ambulance when your life is on the line. Though Johnny and Hank are used to being a dynamic duo, today they're showing a new guy the ropes. Brian Czyk is wide-eyed and excitable – and maybe a little off. But that's ok, so are Johnny and Hank. Besides, he's someone new to be the butt of Johnny and Hanks jokes. And there are so many jokes.

When a lightning strike leaves a good woman dead and a gigantic asshole alive and yelling in the back of their rig, Johnny, Hank and the rest of the team turn their thoughts to karma. Hoping to bank some brownie points with the man upstairs, Johnny and Hank agree to teach a CPR class to a group of local kids, but the unexpected arrival of a pair of VIP 50-yard-line seats to the Bears-Packers game throws a real wrench in their plans. Their solution? Cut the class down to fifteen minutes with a little thing they call Speed-PR, and they'll be at the stadium enjoying goat cheese pretzels by kickoff!

When a patient asks Johnny and Hank to go to his apartment and clear the browser history on his computer, they know it can only mean one thing: porn. But when the guys decide to watch what they're dealing with before hitting delete, they learn the brain-scarring lesson that some things can't be unseen. And unfortunately, it won't be the last time…

Brian is moved by what he thinks are the last words of a dying man, "Tell Catherine I love her," and despite Johnny and Hank's vehement warnings not to get involved, decides it's his moral duty to relay the message to the man's wife…whose name turns out to be Agnes.

First Theresa shows up at Johnny's for a drunken late night booty call. Then she suggests they keep the good times rolling with no-strings sex a couple nights a week. Yes, it seems that Johnny is about to live out every real man's fantasy – until Hank reminds Johnny that he has too much woman in him to be a real man and his need for emotional attachment will eventually botch the deal. Johnny forges ahead undeterred, but when a late night hook-up ends with nothing but a slap on the ass, it looks like Johnny's sensitive side may throw this sex train off the track.

The guys respond to a call from their very favorite "frequent flier," a sweet old lady who always has a fresh batch of cookies waiting for them.

Hank receives an invitation to the wedding of his ex, Jeff the Chef, and wouldn't you know it, Jeff is marrying a guy who is the spitting image of our favorite big, black, gay EMT. Realizing this might be a sensitive time for Hank, the team rallies around their brother in arms. Hank makes a big show of reveling in his freedom to do whatever - and whomever - he chooses. But when an emergency groin injury at a softball game brings him face-to-family-jewels with Jeff the Chef's dick doppelganger, Hank's confidence starts to unravel.

When the guys show up to the scene of a failed suicide, their angry patient's Suburu-driving, parents'-basement-dwelling existence looks so familiar that they dub him Future Brian.

During a question and answer session, the team gives a group of prospective new recruits a taste of the job and walks them through a shift from a few days prior.

Getting shot in the arm during a robbery causes Theresa to assess where she is on the road to her dreams, and she doesn't like what she sees. Afraid that her FBI talk is for real this time, Johnny proposes that they go get married. As in, today. Right now.