Married... with Children

Bud has discovered that Ariel gets turned on by life-threatening situations and has decided to stage a fake tornado in order to get some from Ariel while they seek shelter in the Bundys' basement. Peg confirms that danger does in deed turn women on. However, a real twister appears in Chicago and the rest of the Bundys and the Jeffersons also have to seek shelter in the Bundys' basement. Which also means that Peg and Marcy get turned on...

Gary declares a sales contest between Al and Griff - the winner gets a raise. However, an appearance of an immigrant child who works in Gary's illegal sweatshop gives Al a better idea than selling shoes.

In order to get a $20,000 contract of a model for a national olive oil brand, Kelly has to sign a Morals Clause, which requires that she remain chaste. This proves to be a difficult task. Meanwhile, Al hears that Officer Dan is appearing in Al's favorite TV show Cops and blackmails him to become his partner.

Al's beloved Dodge is fading away. Through a frantic "emergency operation", Al manages to "stabilize" the Dodge's condition, but it still needs constant "life support". Al is unwilling to let the Dodge go because he has fond memories of his father and the car (cue flashbacks). Al calls for a car doctor, who sees that the Dodge needs a fuel pump "transplant". Since those fuel pumps are a rarity, the doctor suggests that the car be "harvested" for spare parts instead, which would sell for a high price. This, of course, is completely unacceptable to Al. While he fights to keep the Dodge "alive" and looks for a new fuel pump, Peg and the kids already start auctioning the spare parts.

Al buries his "dead" Dodge in his backyard and has a funeral ceremony for it. The collectors still desire the spare parts and Peg still intends to sell them. At Bud's request, Marcy goes through Al's financial records and declares that Al can't afford a new car. Al decides to prove her wrong and goes to a car dealer. Meanwhile, Jefferson's secret past helps him to locate a fuel pump for Al's old Dodge.

It's Thanksgiving. In Al's childhood, it was a tradition to eat aunt Maddie's potato pie on Thanksgiving, so Al takes a trip with Griff to see aunt Maddie in order to buy some pie. Unfortunately it turns out that she's just died. Jefferson can't find a turkey for Marcy because they've sold out. Then a stray turkey just happens to follow Kelly home. Will Kelly let the others eat it?

Peg take a holiday in Branson, Missouri, but Al says he can't afford it. The prospect of all-fried food and only twin beds available, however, make him change his estimate. Lucky has to stay behind, in the care of the D'Arcy-Jeffersons. Then Marcy feels the urge to act out a dirty fantasy at the Bundys. In Branson, the Bundys get a room at the Deliverance Inn (yes, just like that movie). Peg and Kelly take part in a country music talent contest.

It's Christmas. Al doesn't want a Christmas tree, the rest of the family do. Marcy is determined to win the neighborhood decorating contest. Gary hires two young guys, Hal and Biff, to help Al and Griff at the shoe store. Someone (actually Bud and Kelly) kidnaps Mary and Joseph from Marcy's Nativity Scene and demand $500 in ransom. Hal and Biff turn out to be such good workers that Gary decides to replace Al and Griff with them, permanently.

When Al goes too far with insulting the overweight women for the final time. The fat women, who he insulted over the years, puts him on trial for excessive crimes against obesity.

Al is planning a get-together for the guys - they'll be watching wrestling from cable. Al wants Peg to help but she declines. Then Peg has an accident where she hits her head and gets amnesia. Kelly, Bud and Al are then amazed to see Peg cooking, cleaning and doing other housework. They decide to milk the situation for all it's worth.

When Al finds out that Bud and Gary are dating, he and Griff decides to take advantage of the situation like a break room.

Since Bud is actually earning money, Al starts charging rent for the basement. Bud and Al sign a lease and Bud pays his rent, after which he claims that the "apartment" is in need of repair. A health inspector declares the basement condemned and gives him a month to get the basement repaired. Al then is forced to wear an electronic neck band that prevents him from leaving the basement.

Jefferson has joined the National Guard. He tells Al and Griff of the benefits: for one weekend once every month, one gets to party with a bunch of guys and even get paid for it! Of course, you have to pass basic training first - but even that has a benefit: one does not have to go to one's regular job but the boss still has to pay the salary! Al and Griff suddenly feel the urge to serve their country...

Al agrees to let Peg invite the Darcy's and Griff (plus one) to an evening party in exchange for a month of no sex. As a party game, the pairs test their knowledge of the other half. Unfortunately Al has forgotten the most romantic night between him and Peg, who throws him out to the doghouse, literally... Meanwhile, Kelly is auditioning for a role, but faces stiff competition from her nemesis Heather Talrico, another blonde bimbo. Kelly challenges Heather to a boxing match. The loser has to give up the role. Cue training montage.

Al makes true of his threat to move out. But what about custody of the two... TVs? The kids Al leaves to Peg. In foresight, he has hidden a nest egg in a secret compartment in the toilet seat! Peg becomes depressed but the kids decide to find themselves a new step-dad. Marcy is ecstatic about Al's departure and has another plan to cheer Peg up. Meanwhile, Al is trying out the bachelor lifestyle, complete with a new look.

Al is having difficulties adjusting to being single. Marcy is more than happy to share with him the info that Peg is having a dinner party with a millionaire. Al doesn't believe him, so Marcy tells him that what Peg really wants is for Al to come to the dinner party.

Peggy, jealous that Al is spending all his time at The Giggly Room, decides to try out on amateur night while Al and the No Ma'am boys judge it. She wins the competition dressed as a harem girl named Jasmin, wearing a veil over her face. Al is turned on like never before, and he and Peggy have their best sex ever.

When Kelly gets successful on a kid's show, she becomes a total bitch and a control freak. Her manager, Bud decides that Princess Kelly should be taught a lesson she won't forget. Meanwhile, Al tries to avoid sharing a bed with Peg by sawing off half of their bed off as she is tempted to have sex with him in bed.

Al makes Peg stop her constant shopping by taking his card away from her and by electrifying the phone so that she can't place any orders. Meanwhile, t's Jefferson's 40th birthday and he has to accept he's no longer a young man and Marcy may one day leave him. So, Marcy forces him to get a job which he does... as the new aerobics instructor at a new health club that Peggy wins a free membership pass at. Elsewhere, Gary hires Bud and Kelly to shoot a TV commercial for the shoe store. There is a role for a shoe salesman and Al forces Bud to hire him. But Al has no acting experience.

Marcy wants the Bundys to stay indoors because her "identical" cousin Mandy is coming for a visit and Marcy doesn't want her to be repulsed by them. Mandy's flight, however, is early and she takes a cab. Since the D'Arcys are at the airport waiting for her, she comes to the Bundys. This leads to Mandy spending the day out with Al and Jefferson. Suddenly Peg and Marcy find themselves jealous.

Al sells his soul to the Devil so he can play for the Bears. However, the Devil takes him to Hell the day of the Super Bowl with a fate worse than death planned: an eternity with the family and the D'Arcys.

Al is kicking Peg and the kids out so he can watch Death Wish 6 3-D in privacy on pay per view. But Bud also needs the house for himself: his pen pal Starla is getting out of prison and is coming to see him. Unfortunately, Starla decides to rob the Bundy's at gunpoint. It turns out that she has escaped and is on the run, so she ends up holding the Bundys hostage. Starla also has a dim-witted boyfriend, to whom Kelly becomes attracted to. And the feeling is mutual. Then the D'Arcys, who are about to leave on a charity masquerade cruise, barge in and end up hostages as well.

Lonnie is freed from prison because it was overcrowded. He asks Al's blessing for marrying Kelly. He even has a ring. Turns out that Lonnie is one of the Tots who own Tot Industries, makers of Weenie Tots. Suddenly Lonnie is most welcome to the Bundy family.

Gary is restocking the shoe store and donating all the old shoes to Filipino orphans. When the lunch delivery girl accepts old sandals as payment because Al and Griff have no money, they realize that the shoes have trading value. Meanwhile, Kelly finally gets her masseuse license, but accidentally cripples Bud when trying out her skills on him.