Married... with Children

The Bundys have another mouth to feed when Peggy's cousin Zemus and his wife, Ida Mae, pay a quick visit and leave behind their six year-old son Seven, who's captivating to Peggy (and only Peggy). She sees this as her chance to be a "great mother," or at least try.

Seven gets some. Bud gets some, never mind she has measles. Al and Peggy get some because it's quicker than talking. Only Kelly doesn't get some but that's by choice because the guy is a jerk. And then he disrespects Kelly so she disrespects his face with her fist.

When Peggy discovers that no one knows Seven's birthday, she picks one at random, Al's. He is understandably not pleased when he has lost his birthday to the new kid. Peggy decides to have a small party for Seven's 6th birthday at a local park. But the party fizzles when a snobbish rich parent arrives and declares the park private for his own son's party.

When Peggy uses up the monthly mortgage to pay Seven's doctor bill, Al is forced to take a second job bar-tending at a topless bar, but its a male strip club where the bartender and all other men are topless. Al enjoys his job, but when Jefferson covers for Al for one day, he takes Al's job. Meanwhile, Peggy starts banning Kelly and Bud from the house to protect Seven from their germs.

The way to a man's heart may be through his stomach, but it's not the heart that's sought by Peggy who's tired of being ignored by Al in the bedroom. So she tries a variety of exciting new outfits in an attempt to whet the appetite of a starving Al. But the only thing Al wants is a cooked steak for dinner.

To meet girls, Bud starts his own community college fraternity, "Alpha Gunna Get em," with the only members being Hindu convenience store clerk Achmed, geek Francis, and retiree Gus. But the premier toga party, (in the Bundy garage) lacks fun and women.

On Election Day, all of the Bundys (minus Seven) hit the voting booths, united to defeat political correctness and a new two cent beer tax. When their causes lose at the polls, the Bundys hit the streets for some good old-fashioned pillaging.

Al decides that another Bundy must get a job and the ax falls on Kelly. This breaks Peggy's heart since no Wanker woman has ever worked before. After taking a job at a grease spoon diner, Kelly must experience the wonderful world of waitressing prior to her true calling as Kelly Bundy: Philosopher/Waitress.

When his paycheck is taken by bill collectors, Al decides to do something with his non-life: he enters a shoe selling contest and wins. The prize is a first class ticket to Hawaii which the family turns into four stand-by's. After dumping Seven off with the D'Arcys, the Bundys travel to Chicago's O'Hare Airport where in an surprising twist, Al masquerades as an aging 1960s rock star, named 'Axel Bundy' from the group 'Shoes and Socks' in which they hob-nob into the first class lounge with six famous musicians, Richie Havens, Spencer Davis, John Sebastian, Robby Krieger, Peter Noone, and Mark Lindsay.

When Al's favorite movie character dies, Al buys the plot next to him for his own eternal home. But Peggy wants to be buried next to Al and will do anything to spend her life after death with him.

Thanks to a college grant of $25,000, Bud is ready to leave home and start the good life at college, until Al and Peggy discover the money. Being the selfish petty criminals they are, they grant the money for themselves, and go on a wild spending spree in just one day that leaves Bud with zero.

In the company of his peers at a bar with other Santas, mall Santa Al recalls Christmases past when he managed to avoid getting gifts to Peggy, Kelly, and Bud by turning them against each other (shown in a pseudo flashback to 1974). But this year the family shows a united front when they give Al his present, the jobs he has to work to get the money he needs to buy presents for Peggy and the kids. One job for Al is playing Santa Claus at the mall where Marcy and Jefferson get another opportunity to taunt and browbeat Al.

The Bundys are going to a family wedding for Al's cousin. But Peggy can't decide what to wear, so while she dresses (and redresses) Al waits and daydreams. Meanwhile, Kelly color coordinates with two fellow bridesmaids, deciding that tight black leather is always best, and Bud gets to know the young bride to be much better than he should!

It's no vacation for Al when Peggy and Marcy join him on his winter fishing trip and make him referee to their constant bickering. Meanwhile, Kelly, Bud and Seven, left behind with no food or money, help Jefferson spend all of Marcy's money.

Working at the diner is getting to Kelly, so she decides to rebel by getting a motorcycle which Peggy deems as too dangerous, until Peggy tries it for herself and gets some good vibrations. But it's Al who really takes to the new bike and imagines himself as an "easy rider,"... at least until an untimely head-on meeting with the Dodge.

Peggy decides to take up a hobby by drawing Al and in so doing, creates her own magazine cartoon of Al makes him famous: the hapless shoe salesman titled "Mr. Empty Pants". Al would prefer the fame to be fleeting, until another magazine (Playgirl) declares him to be a sex symbol.

After one too many dateless Saturdays, Bud appears on a new TV dating game show called "You Can't Miss" for the less experienced, but not quite with the expected results. Meanwhile, the low IQ Kelly believes that there's a conspiracy to keep her from knowing what day it is.

Peggy narrates her own pirate fantasy to Seven as a bedtime story. In the story, Peggy plays Princess Scarlett. Al is Captain Courage, her pirate captor and Jefferson is Prince Paco, her savior. Rounding out the cast is Bud playing the hunchback first mate Fluvio; Kelly as the dim-witted ship's navigator; Marcy playing the cabin boy/girl; and in a surprise appearance, Marcy's ex-husband Steve Rhoades playing the villainous Rubio the Cruel, who's feared for his terrible singing of show tunes.

After Al passes for a senior citizen to get into the movies cheap he worries that he's getting old. He then starts acting old but a senior decathlon brings him back to life.

After Al knocks out and captures a burglar that breaks into his house one night while he's sleeping on the couch after an argument with Peggy, he becomes a neighborhood hero. But the tables soon turn when the burglar sues Al for injuring him and the Bundys must go to court once again.

After Kelly's boyfriend dumps her, Al and the family treat her to the movies where each member has a different agenda.

Al's poor bedroom performance makes him the laughingstock of the entire town after another night with Peggy, even though the only person she tells about it is Marcy. Al then decides to get in shape for the real deal to get his self-confidence back.

Al takes a $12,000 offer for early retirement from the shoe store, but Peggy finds the money and spends all of it in one hour by shopping. Al is forced to go back to work where he hears opportunity knocking with a chance to buy a shoe store called "Home Plate Athletic Shoes." Meanwhile, Charlene Tilton visits the Bundy house trying to sell them an "Abdomenizer."

One morning, Al discovers that his Dodge has been stolen. At Jefferson's behest, Al decides to cheat the insurance company and enjoys renting a loaner Lincoln Town Car...Until the police find his beloved heap.

Bud's cousin gets divorced after finding out that his wife did the deed with Bud just before their wedding. Or rather, he doesn't exactly know it was Bud, but he's determined to find out. As Bud waits for the hammer fist to fall he turns to Al, of all people, to discuss the morality of his actions.

A rich hot babe from Al's past thinks Al is a disgusting pig. But she likes that in a man. So she offers to buy Al for half a million dollars.