Barney Miller

After Lt. Scanlon receives an anonymous letter from someone claiming to be gay and working as an officer in the twelfth precinct, he tries to get Barney to help him identify the letter writer. Meanwhile, a department store shopper is arrested for destroying its MUSAK system because he believes it's delivering subliminal messages.

Harris fills out a complaint report from a woman who was robbed by a man claiming to be a magazine photographer in Central Park. Also, Levitt arrests a drug dealer and gets disheartened when Barney has to release him, and Wojo gets thrown for a loop when he brings in a suspect claiming to be Jesus Christ.

Dietrich and Harris return to the squad room, annoyed about getting called out on robbery call that turned out to be a false alarm. Wojo and Levitt soon get a call about a disturbance at a medical office when two brothers get into a fight over the fact that one brother refuses to donate his kidney to his ailing brother. Harris and Dietrich soon start bickering over the vacation schedule Barney recently posted on the wall.

The detectives work to reassure a monk who arrives in the squad room to fill out a missing persons report when his novitate vanishes not long after arriving in the city. It's Dietrich's turn to cross-dress for mugging detail and Barney tries to diplomatically explain to him that his services might be better suited elsewhere.

Following a traffic accident, Barney and the detectives are stunned to learn that the driver involved is an indentured servant to an Agricultural Secretary to the Burmese government. While Harris takes offense to the situation, he tries to find a way to aid the man in obtaining his freedom.

A bookstore owner is brought in by Harris and Levitt for causing a scene, protesting outside a strip club that opens near his business. Meanwhile as the detectives deal with the heating being turned off to conserve energy, Wojo arrests a man who was wading in a fountain, claiming he will spontaneously combus at a moment's notice.

When Wojo‘s recently purchased parrot dies at his desk, he unsuccessful tries to convince the pet store owner to change his return policy. When a depressed suicide hotline worker attempts to take his life, a caller who he helps attempts to help him. Meanwhile, Harris is desperate to get Dietrich to sign a release form so his book can get published.

After Wojo brings in a suspect following a botched robbery, he eventually finds out that he is a criminal whose speciality is armed robbery, but becomes almost unrecognizable following a lobotomy. Harris and Dietrich assist an Amish man who is a victim of a mugging.

As the detectives come to terms with Sgt. Yemana's desk being moved to city storage, Harris and Dietrich helps a woman who comes in to report crimes she watches on soap operas. A judge is brought in for assaulting a lawyer in his courtroom.

Barney and Dietrich go on a call to a research facility where potentially dangerous DNA cultures are stolen. Harris is tasked with filling out a report from a woman who insists the man currently living with her isn't her husband, but actually is a clone.

Barney has a woman detective go undercover to investigate a dentist accuses of inappropriate touching of women patients while sedated. Harris and Wojo bring in a suspect accused of disturbing the peace at a nearby diner.

Wojo and Levitt inves when a burglar is brought in, complaining about a group of apartment building tenants participate in vigilante justice. Dietrich deals with a census taker accused of breaking and entering when a family refuses to let him do his job. Meanwhile, the detectives offer Barney some unhelpful advice when he shares some information that he and his family might be losing their apartment.

Vagrant Ray Brewer comes to the twelfth precinct, looking for help when some fellow homeless men end up missing under what he considers auspicious circumstances, resulting in Harris going undercover to find out what's happening. Meanwhile, Wojo and Dietrich start competing over who'll help fill out the arrest report of a woman looking to conceive a child with and then raise it alone.

Upon learning from Mr. Brewer that Harris disappeared on his stakeout, Barney and the detectives become concerned. However, it doesn't take that Harris calls from a roadside convenience store in Maryland, where he was able to crack the case. Barney is then stunned when Luger informs him that he's been demoted due to his refusal to retire and has been assigned to the twelfth precinct.

Marty's friend Darryl Driscoll seeks the help of the detectives in reclaiming the custody of his son from his ex-wife before resorting to kidnapping. Meanwhile, a man claiming to be from the future is brought in and soon gives Harris some financial advice.

Harris and Dietrich bring in a suspect after he was caught robbing the police vault, looking to reclaim his television that was previously stolen. After Wojo and Luger bring in a suspect who was arrested using an antique gun during a holdup, Wojo shares his concern to Barney that his colleague might be going to extremes to end his life after he was demoted. A collector finds himself in trouble when his stash of antique guns that were previously stolen are being used in a rash of attempted robberies.

Barney and Harris butt heads when Harris refuses wear his uniform in the Police Department's annual day in uniform day. Wojo and Harris bring in a letter carrier who got caught not delivering mail he deems unimportant. Dietrich sets out to solve a seven year old cold case.

On the eve of an anti-nuclear rally, Dietrich and Levitt have a disagreement over the safety and effectiveness of nuclear power. Harris learns from Barney that he is unable to afford his condo. Dietrich and Wojo bring in a man who won a state lottery who caused a riot by giving away his winnings by throwing the money out of his apartment window.

Following Dietrich's arrest at the anti-nuclear rally, Barney tasks Harris to book him while the others go downstairs to assist the officers in dispersing the riot. His arrest also results in a visit from Internal Affairs. Another protester, who happens to be a nuclear engineer, is booked for splashing his fellow protesters with atomic water.

An architect is arrested for defacing a nearby building because it was built differently than how he designed it, and the detectives soon learn he placed bombs in it as a form of protest. As Harris tries to leave for his vacation in Wyoming, the detectives get held hostage by a pair of gunmen who are looking for a friend who was arrested earlier in the day.

A psychologist is brought in to help Wojo remember through hypnosis the name of a criminal so he can close a case. An inventor is arrested after he is accused of stealing the plans for a battery he invented for an electronics company.

When a thick fog envelopes the city, it causes a burglar to accidentally break into a Christian Science Reading Room by mistake. Barney and the men of the twelfth precinct wait to hear if he gets his promotion to deputy inspector. Levitt brings in a street musician for disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.